Friday, May 21, 2004

Where is the light?

My brother almost died last night. He's in intensive care right now. I don't know how much more I can take of all the death and sickness around me. This has been the worst year of my life. I miss my mother so much sometimes I can barely cope. I have cried more times in the last 9 days than I care to count. Mothers Day was hard, her birthday 3 days later was unbearable. I'm in a slump now and I can't seem to budge. Yesterday morning the phone rings, it's the hospital and my brother's doctor informs us he's taking him into surgery in 1 hour and chances are he isn't going to make it through. But, if he doesn't have the surgery he will most certainly die within 48 hours. Michael and my father and I spent the entire day at his bedside. I watched my father cry. Again. Grieving bedside for a loved one. Like he did for the first part of this year already for my mother. Is there light at the end of this tunnel? Because so far... I don't even see a spark.


Blogger Bonnie said...

Sending you nothing but love and love and more love. Man, do I know! And that doesn't make it even a tad bit easier. Just breathe, baby. That's all you can do right now. Trust and breathe and cry. There will be the other side of this. You'll know when you're there and you'll be stronger there... and that doesn't mean there's no more of this death stuff... just that there's always the next day. I'm sending you a hummingbird. XXOO

5/21/2004 9:01 PM  

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